weekend update December 22, 2013

BAH, HUMBUG!!!!

Charles Dickens

Dickens didn't invent the catchphrase, William Shakepeare did that- at least in English- but Dickens did invent the first T-shirt worthy catchphrase:

hum-bug. noun.

1. something intended to delude or decieve.

2. a person who is not what he claims to be; an imposter.

3. something devoid of sense or meaning; nonsense.

4. a variety of hard mint candy.

Bah, Humbug!, the phrase snarled throughout the English speaking world by everyone fed up with all things Christmas, became a part of our vocabulary because Ebeneezer Scrooge found himself the unwilling recipient of his nephew Fred's wish for a "Merry Christmas!"

And he was too impatient to say:
"Fred, you weak-minded moron. What you are wishing me is nothing more than the fruit
of the most imbecilic crop of nonsensical lies ever harvested by the metaphorical hand of man."
"oh, and have you about your person one of those
little hard mint candies?"

Christmas table traditions from around the world immigrated to our plates this week, and with them a heavy serving of curiosity about gift-giving traditions that exist apart from the ones of my own culture. As it turns out, Scrooge is not the only, well, Scrooge; it seems that any tradition that prompts generosity issues an obligatory invitation to cynicism as well. Altruism and exploitation go together like wrapping paper and not being able to find the scissors or the tape. Take (as only one example) the tradition of Moka, a gift-giving system in Papua New Guinea.   Give a person a gift of equal value as the one you received from them, and things are balanced between you. Things get  unbalanced when the gift given exceeds the one received; the imbalance is called Moka. No, not this:

 Moka is the difference between giving someone (insert awesome musician/band name here)'s latest CD and receiving  tickets to their next concert. It creates a sort of relationship, incurs a sort of debt, and confers a sort of status on the one pouring out the Moka.  Is that an economic system based on altruism and generosity, or is it an exercise in competitive giving?  Don't trust my opinion- I'm naive enough to believe that on December 22, shopping malls are packed with people who will brave an army of irritations and scale a mountain of inconvenience to give something perfect to someone they love-

when they might just be engaged in
a contest of competitive giving.

Fortunately, food traditions are less open to ulterior motives, and not even Scrooge could call humbug the genuinely yummy food we discovered this week.

First the qualified yummy, the brown sugar ham from SomethingSweetSomethingSalty- this ham is responsible for an epiphany. It taught me that it's possible to overcook things in a slow cooker! This is why so many of the meats I prepare in the slow cooker are dry and stringy. I am, quite simply, over cooking them. Here's the ham- delicious taste, and the easiest prep in the world:

Any drier and we might as well have chewed our way through
a very tasty pig-skin football, but it I hadn't overcooked it,
it would have been great. This recipe is absolutely
worth another try.

Next up, a few veggies:

The Christmas Cabbage from ThingsWeMake.  Wow- what a terrific way to boost the veggie count! Not too sweet, not too tart, easy prep, and a nice easy cook in the crock pot. A great Christmas side dish that doesn't require stove or oven space, and can easily be prepped the night before. As an added bonus, it's the sort of thing that makes you feel lucky to be the one who's in the kitchen playing with all the pretty colors:

Here it is cooked down, with Christmas sausages, courtesy of Sweden:

not so pretty anymore, is it.
Still, if it can fuel Vikings and taste this good, maybe
pretty is not of primary importance.

Russian potato salad seems to be as ubiquitous at some Christmas tables as fruitcake is at others- it's called more commonly Olivier Salad (I wish I knew why) and is a tradition in places as diverse as Argentina and, well, Russia.The colors are so pretty! Here's the version we tried, next to not-quite-KFC chicken. 

Thanks Japan, for giving me a Christmas food that makes a
drive through dinner feel  internationally adventurous.

And if you're looking for a green vegetable to balance out Christmas dinner, look no further than the mighty kale- what a cruciferous crusader! What a versatile veggie! Pick some up in a floral arrangement for one end of the table,

Really. That's kale. In my local Costco's flower kiosk.

and at the other end of the table, lay down a bowl of this great sweet and sour kale salad:

There was a bag of  use-em-or-lose-em yellow peppers in our fridge, but the recipe calls for red bell peppers, which would have been so perfectly Christmasey!!! The kale tenderizes as it sits in this sweet/tart dressing, so it's perfect for preparing well in advance of dinner. And don't be surprised to find a significant puddle of kale juice in the bottom of the bowl, that's just a byproduct of the tenderization- simply pour it off and enjoy, knowing that one serving of this super healthy Christmas veg balances out one slice of pie. 

Not really. That's humbug.

It can seem like nonsense, 

the elusive things we try to 

wrap up and tie down at Christmas-

love, hope, compassion, generosity.

It can seem like foolishness to hope

for anything more than

getting out what you put in

and getting back as much as you give.

And yet this week,

I hope life gives you more than

what you had a right to expect

or reason to hope for.

I hope life gives you Moka.

And I hope you find yourself on the happy end

of a Holiday that feels
wonderfully unbalanced.